Hilarious Must-Read Realistic Wedding Vows

Writing your wedding vows means you’re often thinking about love, respect and kindness. That’s until now, that is! Today we’re sharing some of the most realistic wedding vows because we know what married life’s really like…

15 Realistic Wedding Vows for Couples

Let’s get real: it’s not all beer and roses when it comes to marriage. There are good days, bad days and days you would rather not remember. What it is though, is looking past the little (and big) annoying things your beloved does. Maybe some of these realistic wedding goals will help you…

  • Do you promise to love and cherish him, even when he can’t find his car keys right in front of him – for the 79th time?
  • I promise to never fart underneath the covers right before you get into bed.
  • I will always laugh at your high school stories, even after I’ve heard them 100 times.
  • I promise not to get angry when you’ve loaded the dishwasher wrongly again, even though I have already taught you how to do it properly.
  • I promise to double check with you when I’m at the shops and you’ve already said you didn’t want me to get you anything.
  • I will always put my dirty plates on the bench, and not on the floor for the dog to lick clean.
  • After we’ve got kids, I promise to keep the house stocked with wine.
  • I promise that I will never ever think about touching the decorative towels hanging in the bathroom.
  • Do you promise to limit the number of shampoo bottles in the bathroom to less than five, as long as you both shall live?
  • I promise to breathe the other way in bed and not on you.
  • I vow to always complain about how you never replace an empty toilet paper roll.
  • Do you promise to never comment about her menstrual cycle when she’s getting cross with you?
  • I vow to always hate the same people on The Block or Desperate Housewives as you do.
  • I will always let you know there are nachos and dip on the bed before you sit down on them.
  • If I haven’t worn an item of clothing in ten years, I will acknowledge that it won’t come back into fashion and dispose of it.

Read some more articles in our Wedding Speeches section, for more great advice given with a splash of humour.