Ah, weddings — a glorious celebration of love, commitment, and... your Uncle Barry attempting to moonwalk in a rented tux. While everyone loves a lively reception, there’s always that relative who takes the open bar as a personal challenge. Fear not, lovebirds — here’s your tongue-in-cheek guide to surviving (and maybe even embracing) the inevitable arrival of the drunk uncle.
1. Know Thy Uncle
Every family has one. He may be a Dave, a Steve, or a Roger, but the symptoms are universal: red cheeks, loud opinions, unsolicited dance moves. Step one is identifying him early. Spot the signs — tie around the head, telling anyone who'll listen about his rugby days, and suspiciously frequent toasts.
🕵️♂️ Pro tip: Keep tabs on his whereabouts like MI5 tracks suspects.
2. Strategic Seating Arrangements
Where you seat him can make or break the evening. Surround him with understanding relatives, not your new in-laws or the couple who met in a meditation retreat. Keep him at least one table away from the mic, the buffet, and anything flammable.
💡 Bonus tip: Seat him near cousin Jenny, the only one with the patience of a saint and reflexes fast enough to snatch a microphone mid-speech.
3. Limit Access to the Bar (Stealthily)
You can’t not serve alcohol — this isn’t a budget brunch. But you can train your bartender to serve your uncle mocktails after round three. Call it a "Barry Special" and make it fancy with a lime wedge and an umbrella. He’ll be none the wiser.
🍹 #SneakySip
4. Assign a Designated Chaperone
Think of this person as the Secret Service for your reception. Their mission: intercept rogue karaoke attempts, confiscate shot glasses, and gently redirect Uncle when he starts talking politics with Grandma.
👔 Choose someone charismatic, firm, and ideally someone who’s seen Barry in full “Mambo No. 5” mode before.
5. Control the Mic Access
Nothing says “wedding gone wild” like an impromptu 20-minute toast that ends with an off-key version of “Wonderwall.” Make sure the DJ knows: no mic without your say-so. Have a code word. Perhaps “Tequila Emergency.”
🎤 If all else fails, unplug everything and claim a power surge.
6. Embrace the Madness (To a Point)
At some point, just lean into it. The stories will be legendary, the dance floor will be buzzing, and your videographer will have content for days. As long as everyone’s safe, laughing, and not being ejected by security — let Uncle Barry be the unofficial mascot of the evening.
📸 Just make sure he doesn’t become the official one in the wedding album.
7. Have a Getaway Plan
When the clock strikes "too far gone o’clock", it’s time to whisk Uncle away. Assign a cousin with a car, give them the signal, and have a comfy sofa and a bottle of water waiting at home. Your uncle gets a heroic send-off, and the rest of the guests get their groove back.
🚗 Operation “Exit Barry” = Complete.
Final Thoughts:
Weddings are messy, magical, and occasionally soaked in whisky. Your drunk uncle is part of the charm — a slightly slurred, overly enthusiastic reminder that love (and family) isn’t always picture-perfect. So laugh, roll with it, and keep a mop handy.
Cheers to love, laughter, and that one uncle who keeps things interesting. 🍾
